Has anyone seen my motivation?

On the self-measured, motivational scale of one to Richard Simmons, I was a solid 2.3. If I had to pinpoint where it started, I think it was around 8:30am, when I discovered a box of mini chocolate donuts and couldn’t seem to find a logical reason not to eat one. That one donut seemed to be the gateway to a rough day in quarantine. The “welp, you already ate a donut today so f*ck it” breakfast treat.
By Monica Hilton
April 20, 2020
Has anyone seen my motivation?

I sat down yesterday to write a motivational blog, to spark some excitement and oomph into the members of my gym. The kind of blog that makes you want to shut down your computer, throw on your workout clothes and yell out cliché phrases like, If it doesn’t challenge me, it doesn’t change me! and I don’t sweat, I sparkle.

I was ready to PUMP. THEM. UP.

Just one problem: On the self-measured, motivational scale of one to Richard Simmons, I was a solid 2.3 yesterday. If I had to pinpoint where it started, I think it was around 8:30am, when I discovered a box of mini chocolate donuts and couldn’t seem to find a logical reason not to eat one. That one donut seemed to be the gateway to a rough day in quarantine. The “welp, you already ate a donut today so f*ck it” breakfast treat.

Everything is more explicit in quarantine-land.

It came time to work out and the voice in my head was that of a child throwing a tantrum: No. I don’t want to. You can’t make me. Why do I have to do this? I hate those people who have good metabolism. So I won’t be a fitness model. I didn’t want to anyway. I have a fun personality. I’ll still get invited to parties.

Quarantine is not for the faint of heart, y’all.

Out of the no-set-schedule-or-motivation, donut-fueled darkness, I mustered up the energy to put on my workout clothes and warm up. The clock started and in the first round of a 10-round workout, I realized I made some terrible choices in dumbbell weight and scaling options, so my lower back tightened up immediately. Part of the workout included running and if you’ve never tried to run when your back is blown up, picture a squirrel trying to sprint with an acorn squeezed between his butt cheeks. You’ll never un-see it now and for that, you are welcome. 

So here we are. Approximately five minutes into a 45-minute workout and I’m hurtin’ for certain. I have two choices: Admit that this just wasn’t a good day and throw in the towel, or admit that this just wasn’t a good day and do my best. I spent rounds two through eight bitching about everything in my head. Why is it so windy? You’re only burning enough calories to work off that donut. You shouldn’t have eaten it. These shoes are giving me blisters. Moan, grumble, complain.

It’s safe to say I wouldn’t want to be friends with the rounds-two-through-eight me.

But something happened in rounds nine and ten. I changed my attitude and my perspective. I recognized the accomplishment and gave myself credit. (Note: This is much easier to do when you’re almost done with the workout.)

You only ate one donut this morning when you could’ve eaten the whole box. You didn’t want to work out at all and yet, here you are. You could’ve quit at the beginning when your back blew up. You could’ve quit at the beginning of quarantine because doing this at home isn’t easy. But you didn’t quit. You’re stronger than that. You are enough.

Do you know how hard it is to tell yourself that you’re enough on days like this? But we have to! We have to keep reminding ourselves that we are strong and that we can do hard things. And on days when we can’t remember how to tell ourselves things like that, we have to lean on others and know that it’s okay to ask for help.

So my motivational blog from yesterday turned into a sugar-induced, mediocre-training-session recap the following day, but that doesn’t matter. During this time of uncertainty and confusion, things might not go as planned or look like we imagined. What matters is that we get through it one day at a time and that we help those around us to do the same.

Give yourself grace but only to the extent that you’re still taking care of yourself. Giving yourself grace doesn’t mean giving yourself excuses that you see as valid simply because of this virus. Your health is a gift to you and those around you, and in a time of realizing how much we took for granted before COVID-19, don’t let your health fall into that category.

This too shall pass. Until it does, some days you’ll sweat, some days you’ll sparkle, some days you’ll slay. But on all of those days, you are enough.

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